Comments on: Black Men Expect Too Much From Black Women

By: Evelyn

Evelyn — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 01:18:31 +0000

My Brother is with a European woman and he told me tonight that he knew that I was really angry with him for giving up on sisters and taking himself a European woman because he was tired of the Asiatic woman’s problems. He stated that he tried as hard as he could to have a Sister but we have made ourselves unapproachable. What he and many other Asiatic men fail to realize is that all of us are not mad at them for taking European women. For me, and many other women, when an Asiatic man is with a European woman, we no longer consider him as an option. It is not sexy to us to be able to compete with European women. We are upset that we see no good men who want us anymore. Only pimps, or freeloaders or thugs. None of us really want an Asiatic man who is attracted to European women because we are not attracted to European men. Many of us refuse to settle for European men and would rather be alone than to settle for them. We want Asiatic men who are attracted to us as badly as we are to them. We also want men who are willing to put in the work on themselves that we are being forced to put in on ourselves. Unfortunately for many of us Asiatic women, we do not seem to see any of those types of Asiatic men around anymore. Asiatic men who can see beyond their penis the way that many of us are learning how to see beyond our Vaginas and to realize what sex really is. A sacred act that should be special. Not a loose act that is done at the drop of a hat. A lot of us Asiatic women, by being alone, are forced to learn to master our own bodies and minds and to see beyond the illusions of sexual desire. We see beyond sexual desire because we are alone and forced to deal with the consequences of our past sexual desire. Many of us struggle alone with our fatherless children while the would be fathers are off with their wonderful European women. The answer, in my opinion, is to stop blaming each other and each one of us start looking at ourselves. We sisters tried to be good wives and girlfriends from the beginning and were cheated on, lied to, beaten abused, raped, etc. If we see a good man, we don’t recognize him anymore. We, therefore, have to heal. After all our hard work, however, we would like a man who has done the same. Not a man who is weak and runs to women of other races just because he blames the sisters for his pain.

By: Luna

Luna — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 00:24:43 +0000

I didn’t say all black men were sexist I said too many of them were. I understand that it’s not a race thing but I do see a trend and it’s looking pretty depressing. Notice that I said only a good man deserves that kind of loyalty. I don’t believe a woman should settle for any crumb of a man.

By: Anthony

Anthony — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 02:50:12 +0000

So Luna. The actual studies contradicting totally what you just wrote means nothing right?

By: Luna

Luna — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 23:16:36 +0000

I agree too many black men are sexist and expect black women to wait on them hand and foot. I thought intimate relationships were supposed to be a team effort not a power struggle. It seems many black men have the attitude that they supposedly accuse black women of having.

I think Black women are too loyal to black men. I ask what have black men done to deserve such loyalty. No man deserves that kind of loyalty unless he’s a good man.

If a man asks me to cater to him I’ll tell him to drink poison. I don’t cater to anybody. I believe a relationship is about mutual love and respect and understanding toward one another.

By: Anthony

Anthony — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 02:42:05 +0000

http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-21263202.html

“Beckett and Smith’s (1981) comparative study indicates that Black husbands were more likely to share the housework and childcare with their wives than White husbands, whether their wives were employed or not. Shelton and John (1993) also show that Black husbands, on the average, spend longer time than White husbands on household work.”

http://www.ns.umich.edu/index.html?Releases/1995/Jul95/chr073195a

“White husbands of career women did not feel anxious about their wives working, Orbuch found, unless they gave up power in the home by participating in housework and child care.

Orbuch found that how Black husbands feel about their wives working depends on family income, however. Black husbands of wage earners are not threatened by their wives’ work if family income is relatively low and a second income is necessary. Nor do they seem to be threatened by participation in housework and child care.

But if family income is not an issue and the wife works because she wants to, not because she has to, then Black husbands are likely to feel depressed, Orbuch found.”

So as we see, black men don’t really expect their women to bring in the bread, but will accept it if it is necessary to make ends meet.

All men want their women to be their lovers and when have black women ever been concerned about harming a man’s ego? Black women are probably the least tactful of all women when addressing their men. And I see few black men looking to their women for counciling or intellectual stimulation. It’s black men with the reputation of not being sensitive and open with their women.

And as the housework and childcare studies show, most black men are more than willing to give. I think that black women are so self centered and resistant to giving of themselves, that any expectation of them doing so is perceived as far greater than it actually is.

By: YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW

YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 09:42:31 +0000

Hmmm, NOPE, I just want a women,but I wouldn’t mind if BW had at least 62% of what you mentioned. Oh, minus the weaves,permed or unnaturally colored hair. The whole blue,green,hassle(mspl),or purple contacts kind of tick me off as well.

Point is that, it’s hard to convince me a the straight haired,BLONDEST, BLUE EYED BW can honestly say she BLACK AND PROUD. Or can really complain about the US Euro-centric beauty standard.

By: blkman

blkman — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 00:20:57 +0000

Thank you greenEyez,you nailed it we have and western mentality that is not ours in the first place. Our ancestor understood the value of the womb, knew that all life came thought the the Black Woman, this is key, our brain washing has a great deal to do with this bull that we’re in today, this is way it’s important to get back to our truth, the truth will set you free. That black Queen sat next to that black King but 1st we must really believe in who we are as individuals. History will make profound difference. Thnx GreenEyez

By: 901Redbone

901Redbone — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 17:03:33 +0000

Let the church say AMEN! You sure know what to say!

By: Reacharound

Reacharound — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 08:09:07 +0000

Women, black or white, who are too heavy-hearted and conservative will not keep a man. Well, maybe a boring man.

By: eargasm29

eargasm29 — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 18:43:13 +0000

I have been reading most of the comments left and I can agree with a lot of the opinions I have read on this topic. This is a topic I and many of my friends often discuss and I totally agree that black men expect too much from us black women. I am 30 and single and I have been dating for 4 years and I too did believe that maybe I was expecting too much by wanting someone that is the total package so I’ve opened my mind and dated shorter men, less attractive men, ones without education and in my “quest” to find a descent black man I’ve gotten the same results. I am intelligent, educated, hard-working and I’m not a gold-digger or needy or crazy and neither are the majority of my friends but yet we are still single. I also believe that we should be willing to give what we expect from a man and I agree with one person who said “Like attracts Like” I agree totally but at the same time I refuse to believe that of all the women on this site and women I know personally that we all r unlike what we desire in a man. I believe a lot of it is our options. I have considered dating outside the race but I would not be sincere in doing so. I am hopeful that I will meet a man that is willing to share in responsibility. Great topic, I hope one day we will find a resolution.